August 2, 2009 • 11:07 pm 1
O sa imi aduc aminte de dupa-amiaza asta toata viata.
M-am trezit tarziu si am plecat sa imi beau cafeaua in bodega chiulurilor si prietenilor de liceu, alaturi de Lulu, care a fost acolo. Am vorbit despre prietena noastra care nu ne mai surprinde de mult, despre cum ne schimbam si vara asta inseamna ceva. Pentru ca sunt intoxicata de Hunter S. Thomson totul suna ca the wave speech.
Filed under: Personals , campinita, desen, dupa-amiaza, hunter s thompson, johnny depp, wave speech
July 11, 2009 • 10:59 am 0
So I decided some time ago that since I am responsible for my actions, I should perform a few. So I left every safe place that would have me but one. I quit, I moved out and I left town for a while.
If you’ve lived in Bucharest you probably know it makes you want to do that. From time to time it just drains life from you and you can come to terms with the fact that instead of trying to oppose resistance you can just pack up and rest for a while. I joined in the Bucharest community 3 years ago and it’s been everything it was supposed to. I finished college, had my share of decent employments and learned quite a few things about the market economy. I shuffled around looking for comfort and found it in the most unusual places: a bad neighborhood, a stubborn man, a few working space apartments.
It’s been 3 really full years of forgetting what it was all about. It happened. No more strange characters shouting out or quirky images of modeling friends, rooftop views, bad movies, badly written prose or poems. While life was at it fullest, it had actually stopped. You take doing “something” much to literally and end up with a portfolio of activities that are more or less meaningless. You get confused and hang on but then one day, browsing, you stumble across an image that says “live what you love” and a song that goes “If I was young I’d flee this town”. And this time without further ado the fog clears out of your head and you realize you are not who you used to be anymore and it wouldn’t be a problem if you actually liked it. But you’ve let your dreams drift a bit too far off too fast. That’s the whole idea: not that it happened but that it happened too fast and you didn’t even get a chance to have proper closure.
It’s common for people to ask about what you want to do with your life. But Baz Luhrman put it best:
“Dont feel guilty if you dont know what to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t”
It’s an open list and I’m going to fill it up whether I want to or not. But right now instead on focusing on opposing resistance to what feels like a hostile environment, I decided to go back for a while to the things I love. Now, when there’s still plenty of time and nothing to lose. Right now, when I’ve got all this life buzzing inside my head. There’s no reason to wait until the creative noise dies out.
I’d just like to thank a few people that helped. My adorable weirdos and the lady that lent me her books, her house and her ears.
Filed under: Personals , dreams, follow, history, leaving, quitting
April 11, 2009 • 10:47 pm 0
Alex mi-a transmis leapsa pe blogul ei.
Sunt… tanara
As vrea… sa aiba mai multi oameni simtul umorului.
Pastrez….bilete, ca si Alex. Si oameni.
Mi-as fi dorit… “sa invat sa cant la pian. Dar niciodata nu e prea tarziu.” (tot ca Alex… dar serios)
Nu imi place… sa vad oameni agitandu-se degeaba. Take a chill pill! Mai ales femeile!
Ma tem de… oamenii mai putin bine intentionati.
Aud… doar ce vreau.
Imi pare rau… ca nu l-am cunoscut pe Iisus.
Imi plac… versurile lui Bob Dylan
Nu sunt… atenta.
Dansez… altfel decat bucurestenii mi s-a spus.
Cant… Daffy Duck style.
Niciodata… e probabil sa se-ntample.
Plang cand privesc… cum se-ntuneca mai devreme.
Nu imi place de mine pentru ca… uit cine sunt.
Sunt confuza… tot timpul.
Am nevoie de… apa.
Ar trebui… sa se legalizeze prostitutia.
Pasez leapsa la Lulu si Dowel – desi si Lulu-ei ii sunt datoare a game of tag. Dar inca nu e prea tarziu
Filed under: Personals , dorinte, info, leapsa, personale, preferinte
February 27, 2009 • 12:03 am 4
I’ve spent the past week in Italy. Mostly around Loreto, Ancona and Porto Recanati. Sometimes Castel Fidardo, Numana and Osimo. A lovely handsome man showed me around. We discussed life and loves. His past and current proceedings as well as mine.
And as always, we advised ourselves to rely on change. Things do not turn out how we imagine them usually. A wise, wise man I cherish told me some weeks ago that I should stop just doing things and start knowing. To which I replied that if I’d held on to the things I’ve known throughout these recent years, my life would be very different, yet not necessarily better. But surely he wouldn’t have been as big a part of it.
So I’ve come actually to count upon the fact that things will not turn out the way I’ve planned them. And that somehow I’ll fall on my feet and the things I truly love will still be there. Thing is there’s too much stuff I can’t control happening all around. And I’m not going to put all my energy in trying to make it go my way, but just catch the wave.
I’ve been talking to several friends. We’re all lost. Dazed and confused. We want to love, read, talk about art and literature, get high, do our best, overachieve and overdo. We’re good at most things and love each other more than anything. No, honestly. We write, sing, dance, text message. We say silly things that no one else understands and laugh like the world is ending. We’re as bright as our smiles. And we still believe in one another and in the change we’re supposed to be making. We’re jaded but in an optimistic way.
And I know for the most part this is you as well. I know you’re smart, courageous and fun. I know you try hard and want to make the best out of what you’ve got and what others lend to you. I know you’ve listened to Dakota and felt the words at least once. I know you might love Bob Dylan as much as I do if for once you’d stop listening to the harmonica and look at the lyrics. It’s probably the Obama-ism in the air, but hell, we can. And we’re going to. And all mediocrity should watch out. This time, it bites the dust.
Filed under: Personals , bob dylan, change, dazed and confused, fears, hopes, learn, poetry, rely, time
January 19, 2009 • 8:31 pm 0
I’m sitting in my recent room, back against the heater and listening to this. A couple of days ago I discovered I live next to a man that breeds pigeons. And thought it was so silly to imagine that they hung around just because they liked the tree in front of my window. Still… there are other trees around.
I’m starting to accept that I like what I do. Even if it isn’t what I’d planned. And that I like the people I work with. Quite a lot actually. And though they’re not exactly my friends, they tend to make my days better most of the time. Strange thing is that growing up I always imagined having a job I’d hate and just struggling with it.
I’m working on my BA paper on aesthetics and discovering the basics of common sense as well as what people have historically thought moves them in art. It’s captivating, counterproductive, mind straining and relaxing. And I enjoy every moment of it.
I keep waiting for the new year’s daylight savings and changes of sun.
December 12, 2008 • 10:46 pm 0
When I started this blog I wanted to keep up with it but with all that’s going on it’s probably harder than ever. But I wanted to share with you the amazing video above, that warmed me once after a very long day.
Sometimes you give up believing that things will ever change. I’m currently enjoying Saul Bellow’s writing in his ‘The Dean’s December’. It’s a real life inspired story about a college dean that follows his native Romanian, famous astrophysicist, wife to Bucharest, to see to her dying mother. It outlines the strange things of communism with an interesting air – how they seemed to a foreigner from the utter inside. Bellow’s character, the dean, says at a certain point that facts were so prohibited here that feelings grew and spread in (tentacle-ish) ways that he could barely understand.
In certain ways, due to the fact that those are in fact the people that brought us up, we’ve inherited part of that peculiarity. We bother with much nonsense and manage to resolve very few things altogether. Still, this is a silly example, but the most recent one that comes to mind… YouTube went wide. And in a sense, such things, that have become a part of daily life, we take for granted. I’m sure that YouTube has changed a lot since our first interaction and it has taken steps far more important than this one. However, it just seemed to always look the same. And I took it for granted that it always will look the same as well as provide the same comfort. I sank into that certainty immediately.
Things change slow around here. Bucharest seems to just be getting dirtier and dirtier. With the, if possible, increasingly horrible traffic. But on the outside stuff is happening. On the outside it seems things have changed all the long. And theoretically I know they have here, as well. I know people couldn’t even imagine this level of comfort 15 years ago. And me writing on my white, shiny macbook complaining about this country, while affording to pay rent and enjoy a Starbucks once in a while. Things have skipped over here and changed dramatically compared to the ‘outside’. Yet we still have this habit of thinking that things are wrong and they always will be… ’cause that’s just us. We don’t see the small things.
We don’t Twitter. I don’t Twitter. I have 2 friends that do and that’s about it. I’ll start doing it soon enough myself, once i don’t have to go from my bed to work, then to school, then to work, then back to sleep. The web hasn’t entered our lives over here as much as it seems to have done to others in the west. We’re still suspicious of it, unwilling to give in, unable to let go of keeping our lives private. And we have that right in fact, to privacy. Except that privacy’s evolving. And the concepts of work and workspace are changing. As is the one of communication. And we’re still missing out on it. Because we can’t get used to the fact that yes, most things we did were wrong and we have to let them go. Because what’s new may be awful and destructive at times, but it can be clean, if we let it. It offers novelty or, better put, novelty is offered to it. And this does not mean abandoning tradition. Not real tradition at least. But it is time to let go of all the ridiculous pretentiousness that used to be associated with well-breeding.
This is kind of what I’m talking about:
Filed under: Laid about opinions, Personals , bucharest, communism, romanian, saul bellow
November 17, 2008 • 1:45 am 0
Well, it’s late Sunday night and I’m resting with my back against the heater in a room somewhere on the outskirts of Bucharest. There’s a dozen stray dogs around my building and a cat resting it’s head against me. And… i got tomorrow off. Well, we all earned tomorrow off…
It’s been a tiresome last couple of months and after going through with the Romanian version of the Avon Walk and Petrom Running Competition in September, soon enough along came the fresh, long and just very successfully finished Cupa 1. Pastel as a whole left a lot of people happy and are currently very practically sending out good thoughts that I’ll tell you more about at the appropriate time.
Still, personally, there’s a strain to things as of late. The one of trying to do too much at the same time. And any other student with a major coming up and a full time job can back me up on this. However, things will go on. In the meantime I decided to major in philosophy of culture with a paper that is to be called On a hermeneutics of the work of art which I’m working on coordinated by my high school mentor and one of the greatest people that I have come to know.
All in all, some things, decisions… turn into a way of life. Sometimes without realizing you ever took them.
Filed under: Personals, Street Hassle , avon, crosul petrom, cupa 1, filosofia culturii, hermeneutica, licenta
July 22, 2008 • 4:00 pm 0
I read my last post and found I don’t like the tone of it.
There’s something to admire, about people like Nelson up here and you’ll understand if you read this article. Another way to grasp the same thing is to take an overall look at this man’s postings or at this wonderful and revolutionary piece of writing.
There’s something to moving forward without being bitter that doesn’t just push you further, but also brings up the rear. Here’s your soundtrack for this post:
Don’t stride to be alone. There’s nothing to it. Smile and get others to walk beside you. Don’t offer them anything in return. Don’t even pretend to be doing so. Be yourself SO LONG AS you know that it is YOU that builds your self. You’re not stuck in whoever you are. You can be better and you can be more positive, you can be better, do things better, love and laugh more.
It seems, it seems to not have a point and be difficult. But you may find that happiness generates happiness, in people as well in peoples. We need someone to push us from behind a great deal of time. But we do have the strength to act and be willingly, and without help.
Listen to the second one of this man’s songs and watch the happiness on his face while he plays:
You know what? Whatever you’re doing it should be making you happy. It doesn’t have to be easy, it doesn’t have to keep you warm ALL the time, but somehow you have to know deep inside that you WANT to do it, you want to be your self, acting the way you are ALL the time you are in fact your self.
It’s not really what you do so much as who you are. Do what you are!… that’s my advice to you. If you’re caring, do something that only someone who really cares could stand. Find that one thing you’re proud of and turn it into a daily activity. It doesn’t have to be pin-point. And here’s an example. I thought I loved literature and wanted to be a journalist so I could write. Then I realized I could get more into creativity by doing copywriting. And then came across that neither was in fact appropriate. There was something so artificial about it it made my guts hurt. And now I’m into… event planning?!… and I like it because I realized I didn’t like the writing as much as producing the story. I love authoring. And authoring is more than writing, more than concepts or words strewn about. It’s generating, producing, giving birth to something real, that exists outside of you. And I find that I can do that by creating… user-experience. Which coincidentally gives me a perfect place on the… professional market.
It’s not the stories, it’s what they do to people’s imaginations. Therefore, it’s not the events, or organizing them. It’s trying to generate a whole other lifestyle, a better one, for whoever is willing to adopt it for a few hours. And in their memory and in real life you’ve created something outside of yourself that has the power to reach and change.
Find out what you LOVE to do. And you’ll probably go through a lot of things you though you loved before finding one you could stick to. Don’t be afraid of rethinking and starting over. They’re the best things about life: that you can, in fact, be whoever you want to be. And having been a certain way so far is only a poor excuse to stay that way.
I just can’t make the world a better place without your help, really.
Filed under: Laid about opinions, Life teaches us..., Personals, To Dos , change, doing, life, living advice, love, Nelson Mandela, power of example, professional advice, role model, stories, writing
February 1, 2009 • 1:28 pm 2
what’s your process
Just read a great article by Michael Bierut on his process of designing and of course it got me thinking. I’ve been interviewing designers for my company, as we’re looking for fresh creative meat. And I’ve asked that question myself. How is it that you work? What do you do when you first come about a job? And there have been few voices to mention ‘research’… or anything at all as a matter of fact.
But as Bierut indirectly puts it, process may be too strong a word. We don’t in fact know how or why we do most things. And a year of psychoanalysis only proved it to me. There are intricate webs of thin lines keeping us in balance, very different than those we usually think we’re tied to. That’s why we probably feel so far away from ourselves most of the time. The world seems far, obsolete and alien and we really have no idea what’s keeping us there most of the time. Because there isn’t really one true stable thing to relate to. Not even in other people. As Sabato keenly described it in ‘The Tunnel’, most likely we’re each all alone, all by ourselves, in our own tunnel. At certain places the walls of our tunnels are so close together that we think we’ll be able to cary on together, but we always stray apart.
Read the rest of this entry »
Filed under: Personals , article, change, comment, design, design observer, life, process, recession, sabato, tunnel, world