So I decided some time ago that since I am responsible for my actions, I should perform a few. So I left every safe place that would have me but one. I quit, I moved out and I left town for a while.
If you’ve lived in Bucharest you probably know it makes you want to do that. From time to time it just drains life from you and you can come to terms with the fact that instead of trying to oppose resistance you can just pack up and rest for a while. I joined in the Bucharest community 3 years ago and it’s been everything it was supposed to. I finished college, had my share of decent employments and learned quite a few things about the market economy. I shuffled around looking for comfort and found it in the most unusual places: a bad neighborhood, a stubborn man, a few working space apartments.
It’s been 3 really full years of forgetting what it was all about. It happened. No more strange characters shouting out or quirky images of modeling friends, rooftop views, bad movies, badly written prose or poems. While life was at it fullest, it had actually stopped. You take doing “something” much to literally and end up with a portfolio of activities that are more or less meaningless. You get confused and hang on but then one day, browsing, you stumble across an image that says “live what you love” and a song that goes “If I was young I’d flee this town”. And this time without further ado the fog clears out of your head and you realize you are not who you used to be anymore and it wouldn’t be a problem if you actually liked it. But you’ve let your dreams drift a bit too far off too fast. That’s the whole idea: not that it happened but that it happened too fast and you didn’t even get a chance to have proper closure.
It’s common for people to ask about what you want to do with your life. But Baz Luhrman put it best:
“Dont feel guilty if you dont know what to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t”
It’s an open list and I’m going to fill it up whether I want to or not. But right now instead on focusing on opposing resistance to what feels like a hostile environment, I decided to go back for a while to the things I love. Now, when there’s still plenty of time and nothing to lose. Right now, when I’ve got all this life buzzing inside my head. There’s no reason to wait until the creative noise dies out.
I’d just like to thank a few people that helped. My adorable weirdos and the lady that lent me her books, her house and her ears.